Berkah Ramadhan :)

Selama ini aku hanya terfokus pada diriku saja. Aku, aku dan aku..

Aku selalu mikir betapa lambatnya aku mengerjakan riset, susahnya aku memikirkan metode-metode yang lain dan stressnya aku memikirkan cara untuk mengembangkan topik risetku ini. Dan ngga jarang aku merasa bahwa kapasitas otakku itu udah mentok dan sepertinya yang lain jauh lebih pinter dibandingkanku.

Yang paling bikin nge-down itu ngeliat 2 anak lab, master degree: yang satu dia ngambil salah satu topikku dan digabungkan dgn topik yang lain dan dia bisa punya 4 studies, nilai thesisnya paling bagus, masuk thesis competition dan pastinya Prof bangga sekali dengannya. Yang satunya lagi ngikutin salah satu metode-ku, dan lagi-lagi dia bisa punya 4 studies, nilainya bagus, anak kesayangan Prof, masuk thesis competition juga.

Dan aku? dari dulu 3 studies aja ngga selesai-selesai.. Walaupun emang beda tujuan dan jalan cerita kita, tapi ini terlihat amat sangat kontras.. Sedangkan waktu untuk submit paper udah di ambang pintu..  yup, the pressure is so-very huge..

Ketika underpressure, berkali-kali terlintas untuk mundur, take a break, or daydreaming hoping it's over soon. Setelah itu teringat alasanku untuk S3 dan perlahan-lahan bangkit. Orang tua-lah yang terus menyemangatiku untuk terus maju tanpa stress dan mengingatkanku untuk perbanyak Dzikir. Mungkin karena ngeliat aku begitu stressnya, mereka bilang "yaudah nis, ini iseng-iseng berhadiah, jangan dibawa stress yaa". And yeah, somehow it works :)

Beberapa minggu setelahnya, Ramadhan datang. Mulai shalat tharawih + witir dan lebih banyak baca Al-Quran + Dzikir.

Sesaat setelah itu ada beberapa yang aku rasakan dan dapatkan.. Mungkin ini berkah Ramadhan.. Alhamdulillah:

1. Hatiku lebih tenang dan bisa mengerjakan riset tanpa stress. Somehow I found the way to cope with it.

2. Nilai progress report selama ini ternyata dikasih nilai A sama Prof.. Selama 3 semester kemarin dapet A-, dan padahal sekarang ngga berharap banyak, mikirnya paling dapet nilai yang sama juga.. Tapi lalu aku mikir, mungkin A ini bisa jadi salah satu pemacu untuk menyelesaikan paperku yang artinya mungkin "you're good enough, you've been through long enough, finish it, don't give up"

3. Kuesioner boleh disebar, yang artinya setelah kuesioner ini tinggal merevisi penulisan dan it's ready! Aamiin..

4. This is the most shocking thing that happened.

Beberapa temanku mulai bilang kalau mereka ingin sekali nerusin kuliah sampai S3, tapi kondisi yang tidak memungkinkan: perlu cari uang, perlu menghidupkan keluarga, sudah ada anak, perlu nerusin bisnis keluarga, tidak dapat beasiswa, dll..

Aku tersentak. Aku ngga sadar bahwa banyak sekali orang diluar sana yang menginginkan ini, tapi belum bisa. Aku yang ... belum perlu cari uang, masih ada orang tua yang bekerja, belum berkeluarga, belum ada anak, tidak ada bisnis/kegiatan lain, dan dapat beasiswa full ... kenapa ngga bisa memanfaatkan kesempatan ini dengan sebaik-baiknya?
 

Ini membuat aku bersyukur tiada henti. Membuatku semangat mengerjakan risetku.
Aku mau memanfaatkan kesempatan langka ini - yang mungkin tidak akan datang kepadaku lagi.

There's no such thing as second chance, right?

So do it wholeheartedly and never take things for granted ;)

All and all, ternyata bukan aku, risetku atau Profku yang salah. Tapi ibadahku-lah yang kurang.

Indonesia saat ini..

Akhirnya terpancing juga untuk nulis sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan pencapresan Indonesia.

Bagi yang masih menentukan pilihan, mungkin tulisan ini bisa membantu.

Aku ngga akan ngomongin visi-misi mereka, debat capres kemarin ataupun berita-berita negatif/kampanye hitam kedua capres, karena ngga akan ada habisnya bicarain itu.

Hanya 1 pertanyaan kunci:

"Apa kebutuhan yang prioritas untuk Indonesia saat ini?".

Kedua capres pasti punya kelebihan yang Indonesia butuhkan, tapi apakah kelebihan tersebut menjadi prioritas Indonesia saat ini?

Ketika kita harus milih, kita harus liat mana yang lebih penting atau lebih cocok dengan keadaan kita. Sama halnya misal, ketika kita harus milih kuliah lagi atau kerja dulu. Dua-duanya bagus, dua-duanya penting, tapi kita harus milih yang mana yang pas. Kalau kita butuh uang, yaa kerja dulu. Kalau lebih haus dengan ilmu, yaa lanjut kuliah. As simple as that.

Cobalah sekarang masyarakat Indonesia, ngeliat lagi kondisi Indonesia seperti apa lalu tentukan tindakan apa yang paling penting untuk saat ini. 

Capres yang satu bisa kerja, yang satunya lagi tegas. Kalau boleh sih aku mau kombinasi dari dua itu. Sayangnya ngga bisa. Jadi harus milih, mana yang lebih dibutuhkan saat ini juga.

Menurut pengamatanku, Indonesia ini masih berantakan - pake banget. Peraturan ngga jelas, kebijakan seenaknya, bikin ini-itu tanpa mikirin aspek makro (hanya karena uang aja), transportasi umum ngga nyaman, dan yang pastinya macet dan banyak korupsinya. Intinya kita butuh bebenah. Interaksi keluar juga penting, tapi beresin yang didalam dulu baru promosi dan kerjasama ini-itu. Percuma promosi gencar, bikin MoU sana-sini kalau pas turis dateng komentarnya "yaahh begini ternyata Jakarta" atau lebih parahnya lagi "ngga nyaman ya di Jakarta". Sedih banget ngedenger komentar langsung mereka, tapi yaa aku akui that's Jakarta.

Bahkan keterangan tempat di majalah international, walaupun itu di salah satu kota di suatu negara, mereka nyebut nama negaranya aja.. atau kalau pun mereka nyebut nama kotanya, pasti nyebut nama negaranya juga misal: Taipei, Taiwan. Tapi giliran Bali, nulisnya Bali aja. Seems like Bali bukan Indonesia. Banyak juga loh yang ngga tau kalau Bali itu Indonesia. (Yaah gagal dong yah promosi Bali, kalau Indonesia-nya ngga ikutan kebawa).

The point is, Indonesia itu ngga 'diliat' di kalangan international karena belom beres didalamnya. Jadi mereka ngeliat Bali bukan bagian dari Indonesia. Bali juga belum rapi-rapi amat sih, tapi somehow mereka 'ready' di datangin turis -atau terpaksa siap-. Jadi andaikan Jakarta dan kota-kota lain lebih rapi dari itu, pasti lebih banyak lagi turis yang dateng dan punya kesan yang baik tentang Indonesia.

Ngeberesin Indonesia didalam itu menurutku prioritas Indonesia saat ini. Silahkan kalau ada yang punya pendapat yang berbeda :)

Jadii siapa capres yang bisa ngeberesin internal Indonesia? :)

Things Happened in My Age of 22

I just realized that there are several important milestone of me when I was 22 years old. Here they are:

1. Graduated from Master Degree (MBA) --> July

Probably I'm the youngest graduates in my current school and among my friends in undergraduate. And I'm the first person who hold master degree among my cousins in my mom's side of family and second person among cousins in dad's side.

2. Wearing Hijab --> August

Well I know, for hijab, I'm kinda late. But still, I'm the only woman with hijab in my current departement, although there are several muslim womans.

3. Starting PhD --> September

Such a big decision for me. Kinda not so sure how am I gonna through it all. Somehow, I still ask myself repeatedly whether I'm able to go through it or not. But what I know for sure is that this is the best decision for me and I never regret it.

4. Living Alone --> March

First time lives alone while doing PhD is not easy. Well, I know, nobody said it was easy, but they say it'll be worth it :)

Hopefully, this year I can make any new milestone or at least I'm being a better person :)

12 Mei: A Note for Grieving Mothers

Mungkin hampir semua tau tanggal itu. Tapi untuk mahasiswa dan alumni Trisakti khususnya, tanggal 12 Mei itu bukan hanya sekedar tanggal. Walaupun udah lulus bertahun-tahun dan udah ada di perantauan, semangat untuk menuntaskan 12 Mei tetap ada.

Setiap tahun, di tanggal 12 Mei, mahasiswa Trisakti turun untuk demo ke Senayan. Dari awalnya menuntut keadilan, hingga akhirnya itu hanya rutinitas memperingati hari Reformasi.

Diawal kuliah, senior Trisakti memutarkan video yang memperlihatkan betapa sedihnya keluarga korban. Semua ibu korban pun terus memohon kepada mahasiswa Trisakti untuk menuntut keadilan, untuk terus mencari siapa yang salah, atau sekedar mencari closure. Ibu mana yang rela mengetahui anaknya dibunuh oleh aparat negaranya sendiri (atau siapapun yang saat itu memakai seragam aparat negara). Semangat untuk mencari jawaban pun hadir di tiap jiwa mahasiswa Trisakti. Rasanya pengen banget melakukan sesuatu untuk mereka, apa aja. 

Tapi kita juga tidak bisa menutup kenyataan, bahwa seiring berjalannya waktu, semua bukti entah lenyap kemana dan saksi pun tidak berani muncul. Sedih rasanya melihat kenyataan yang ada. Sedih, mengetahui tidak bisa memberikan closure ke keluarga korban. Sedih, mengetahui pemerintah tidak peduli dengan rakyatnya.

Sayang Bu, saya belum bisa melakukan apa-apa. Maaf Bu, saya dan para senior Trisakti tidak punya power sekuat itu untuk menyeret orang-orang yang tidak bertanggung jawab. Hanya do'a yang bisa kami panjatkan, dan menyerahkan semuanya ke yang Maha Adil. Kami yakin pasti ada balasan yang setimpal untuk mereka.

Semoga Ibu sekeluarga diberikan keikhlasan dan ketenangan ya. Percayalah Bu, kami tidak akan lupa kejadian itu. 12 Mei tetap di hati.

16 Tahun Reformasi: 12 Mei 1998 - 12 Mei 2014

Passion

I consider myself living my life with passion, rather than dreams.

I may not have a huge dream or a detailed ones, but every seconds of my life is full of passion. I have quite a lot of passions: writing, reading, jogging, cycling, swimming, knitting, handcrafts, analyzing, leading, travelling, adventure, violin, piano, language, french, mandarin, new things, hiking, sleeping. My life is guided by my passions. Everything I do is always related to these passions, because if you do things with passion, you can always will be able to keep on going and give 100%.

When people ask me: 'What do you want to do in the future?' I may answer it with a standard answer that even I don't know if I able to pursue it. I'm more kind of thinking in step by step. Well, I know what step I will take after, but it's not detailed yet. I focused on the current step, instead. Focus, find my passions in it, have fun and no regrets. Alhamdulillah, so far, I never do things that is not my passions and that I regreted.

I'm not saying living your live in dream is wrong. It's just people have different ways in living their lives and this is my way :)

Better yet, you need to have dreams, and living your life with passions to get your dreams :)

The truth

I'm a big fan of 'asking'. If you don't know, ask. If you're not sure, ask. If you're curious ask.

Things are so much easier when we all be honest and transparent to each other.

Not knowing makes us assuming and in some cases, even overthinking.

We can't assume on everything, unless we assume in every possible condition. And we shouldn't overthink, 'cause usually things are not as complicated as we thought.

On the other hand, most of the time we can't answer some questions. The answer would be 'I don't know why', 'I just did it', 'I just knew', 'I felt like it', 'I don't realize when', etc. People may or may not say the truth for some reasons.

If you asked and got an answer like that, try to look at their attitude and their eyes.

People can say anything, but eyes can't lie. 

It's a biology reaction that our pupils will get bigger/dilated when we are excited and smaller/constricted when we are upset. Evenmore, eyes can tell you more than anything. Two peoples can communicate only by looking at their eyes. There are also other reflects that we can observed from people, such as eyes & hands movement. 

People can fake to behave in certain ways, but their attitude remain unchanged. 

Behavior can only stay in a short term while attitude stay forever. Attitude is something that they have inside them. Some values and belief that they carry on. You will know why and how people make decision based on their attitude. Attitude can be discovered by analyzing their background information or work with them.

So, just observed! I'm sure the answer is there, but you're not aware of that.
If you care enough about the answer, take a second to look. People can't hide it all the time :)

Groundbreaking Thinker

I tried this personality test on ipersonic.com. It describes how I think and how I do my works. Well, they get almost all of it, I guess. Here it is, just so you can know more about me :)
To save time, the Bold ones describe me the most and the Italic ones somewhat describes me :)

Groundbreaking Thinkers are charming, enthusiastic persons. They really bubble over with energy and like to take centre stage. They love variety both professionally and privately. Groundbreaking Thinkers tackle changes consistently with their optimism and firm belief in their own abilities; they are always on the look-out for improvement possibilities.

As a Groundbreaking Thinker, you are one of the extroverted personality types. Dealing with others, communication, discussions, and a little action are your life’s blood - and some of your strengths. You are very articulate and love variety personally as well professionally. New tasks, new projects, new people, fascinate you because you are always interested to increase your wealth of experience.

Their excellent communication skills are of great advantage to them here. They approach the world with curiosity and openness and master new situations with a great deal of talent for improvising and with resourcefulness. Their spare time is taken up with a large number of hobbies ; most Groundbreaking Thinkers like to travel in order to gather as many different impressions as possible. This personality type is unbeatable at discovering new possibilities.

In their work, Groundbreaking Thinkers highly rate challenges and diversified tasks. They cannot stand routine and too detailed work. They love to astound others with bold ideas for an original, new project and then leave it up to the others to implement them. Hierarchies, rules and regulations arouse their opposition and they love outsmarting the system. It is vital to them that they enjoy their work; if this is the case, they quickly become pure workaholics. Their creativity best takes effect when they work independently; but they are very good at motivating others and infecting them with their optimistic nature. Conceptual or advisory activities appeal especially to Groundbreaking Thinkers. It can happen that some people feel somewhat duped by their flexible, spontaneous nature.

Their sociability and enterprise ensure that Groundbreaking Thinkers always have a large circle of friends and acquaintances in which activity plays an important role. As they are mostly in a good mood, they are popular and very welcome guests. Grumbling and peevishness are unknown to them. However, they do tend to be a little erratic and unstable when it comes to obligations and this makes them appear to be unreliable to some. Groundbreaking Thinkers are very criticaland demanding when it comes to picking a partner because they look for the ideal relationship and have a very concrete picture of this ideal relationship. Mutual aims in life are very important to them. They do not like compromising and would rather remain alone. For the partner, it is often a challenge to have a long-term relationship with a Groundbreaking Thinker. Groundbreaking Thinkers need a lot of space and diversity or otherwise they become bored and feel cramped. Types who are rather more traditionalistic often have problems with the willingness of Groundbreaking Thinkers to take risks and their often crazy, spontaneous actions. However, if one can summon up sufficient flexibility and tolerance for them, one will never be bored in their presence and will always have a loyal and faithful partner. 

Adjectives that describe your type

extroverted, theoretical, logical, spontaneous, rational, innovative, intellectual, open, independent, curious, enterprising, analytical, clever, enthusiastic, venturesome, inventive, energetic, sociable, optimistic, non-conformist, creative, freedom-loving, charming, able to get enthusiastic, self-confident, communicative, capricious, inconsistent, outgoing