Ghosting

Bagi yang ngga tau apa itu ghosting, itu tindakan tiba-tiba pergi dari suatu hubungan tanpa kabar. Yak, siapa yang pernah begini atau diginiin?

Ini tindakan yang umum, banyak banget yang ngelakuin. 

Pertanyaannya, is it appropriate/acceptable?

Awalnya aku langsung bilang 'ngga lah, nyebelin banget tiba-tiba pergi ngga bilang-bilang'.. Tapi trus aku mikir.. wait, aku juga pernah ghosting ternyata.. jadi aku menyimpulkan kalau the appropriateness of ghosting depends on the relationship intensity. Eh yaampun, berasa judul skripsi~

1. Hubungannya udah intens

Intens itu seperti daily phone call/meeting selama beberapa minggu. Kalau dihubungan ini dia/kamu ghosting, itu kurang pas. Karena dalam hubungan yang udah tiap hari ketemu/telp itu udah ada sinyal implicit kalau sama-sama nyaman dan kalau tiba-tiba hilang tanpa kabar itu pasti membingungkan buat yang ditinggal. Dalam hubungan ini, keduanya udah invest banyak dan probably berharap banyak juga. Jadi, kalau pergi, akan lebih dihargai klo bilang dulu. Dengan bilang dulu sebelum pergi ini juga artinya orang yang pergi menghargai orang yang ditinggal. Orang yang pergi mikir 'he/she deserve to know'. Tapi kalau dia ghosting, he/she is not worth your attention. Kalau butuh penjelasan/closure, bisa dicoba ditanyain.. Tapi kalau ngga didapet juga, yasudah, give it up.

2.  Hubungannya masih ditahap awal

Misalnya, masih baru chat aja atau ngedate 1-3 kali. Kalau dihubungan ini, rasanya wajar klo ada yang ghosting. Karena masing-masing masih 'test the water'. Mungkin masih ada yang mikir ini sekedar teman. jadi kalau mau pergi harus bilang, malah bakal aneh. Ada kemungkinan yang ditinggal bilang 'emang kita deket?' dan ternyata kedekatannya hanya ilusi semata~ hahaha. Dan yang ditinggal pun ngga bakal pusing mikirin kenapa ditinggal, paling mikir 'ohya mungkin ga cocok aja'. Jadi ghosting dihubungan ini ngga masalah.

3. Ada starting point

 Yang nomer 1-2 itu untuk yang belum ada omongan apa-apa. Tapi kalau udah ada statement suka, 'kita jalanin dulu aja' atau semacamnya, ini harus banget untuk ngomong mengakhiri hubungan (entah apapun itu hubungannya~). And ghosting is strictly prohibited. Kesannya udah dimulai, tapi ngga diakhiri.. kan ngga sopan. Jadi kalau ada yang ghosting dikondisi hubungan ini, itu artinya dia ngga berani bilang.

Kalau menurut kalian gimana? :)

Satu Kata untuk Taiwan

Semua hal itu ada ‘image’-nya. Mulai dari warna, produk, orang, hingga negara, pasti ada gambaran atau pesan yang ingin disampaikan. Image Taiwan dimata saya dalam satu kata itu adalah dewasa. Taiwan itu tenang, fokus dan rendah hati. Dewasa sekali, bukan?

Yang saya perhatikan selama kuliah di Taiwan ini adalah hampir semua dosen disini jarang berpakaian formal ketika lab meeting, mengajar, maupun menguji sidang. Mereka nyaman dengan pakaian kasual mereka. Terlihat sekali mereka berpegang teguh prinsip ‘don’t judge the book by its cover’. Mereka dengan tenang dan yakin bahwa penampilan bukanlah ukuran yang utama dalam menilai orang lain. Mereka percaya kemampuan mereka tetap mampu terpancar keluar dibalik penampilan mereka yang santai. Ini membuat saya nyaman sekali menjadi minioritas dengan memakai hijab. Bahkan keputusan untuk memakai hijab ini ada ketika saya di Taiwan. Saya yakin bahwa mereka tidak akan menyimpulkan sesuatu tentang saya hanya karena penampilan saya.

Indonesia dan Taiwan memang sama-sama memiliki budaya interdependen yang lebih dominan, dibandingkan dengan budaya barat yang dominan dengan budaya independennya. Tapi, Taiwan ini memiliki nilai budaya independen yang lebih tinggi dari Indonesia. Saya melihat dan merasakan bahwa orang Taiwan lebih fokus terhadap diri mereka sendiri. Mereka tidak ingin tau semua urusan pribadi orang lain. Hanya beberapa dosen dan temen lab saya yang bertanya tentang urusan pribadi saya. Semakin lama saya di Taiwan, saya merasa semakin sama pola pikir saya dengan mereka. Saya menjadi fokus dengan diri saya sendiri dan tidak terlalu memikirkan orang lain. Ini yang menguatkan saya selama saya menjalani kuliah ini. Saya fokus menyelesaikan kuliah saya, walaupun teman-teman yang lain tidak melakukan hal yang sama dengan saya. Saya percaya tiap orang punya jalannya masing-masing.

Secara negara, Taiwan ini dibatasi ruang geraknya dengan ‘One China Policy’. Tapi ini tidak membuat Taiwan berhenti bersinar. Taiwan menjadi salah satu negara yang unggul dalam bidang teknologi dan ramah lingkungan. Namun, Taiwan sadar bahwa mereka akan selalu menjadi nomer 2. Secara natural, kesadaran ini membuat mereka menjadi rendah hati dan tidak sombong.  Saya kagum dengan orang-orang Taiwan yang dengan tulus dan sungguh-sungguh menolong orang asing. Saya dengan bahasa Mandarin yang terbatas, mereka dengan bahasa Inggris yang terbata-bata dan kita yang saling mengandalkan bahasa tubuh dan google translate, tidak menghentikan mereka untuk berbuat baik terhadap saya dan orang asing lainnya. Ini hal yang jarang ditemui di negara maju lainnya dan inilah yang membuat Taiwan special dimata orang asing. Ini membuat saya berfikir bahwa kita perlu dengan pintar memutar kekurangan kita menjadi kelebihan. Kita semua lahir dengan kekurangan dan sering kali kekurangan tersebut tidak bisa diperbaiki. Tapi, akan ada kelebihan dibalik kekurangan tersebut, seperti kata pepatah ‘every coin has its two sides’. Kita harus terus berkembang dengan menggunakan kelebihan yang kita punya.

Terima kasih Taiwan yang telah membantu saya untuk berpenampilan, bersikap, dan berfikir lebih dewasa.

Minioritas - Mayoritas

Aku sering baca perbandingan antara pemeluk agama minioritas di Indonesia dengan pemeluk agama minioritas di negara lain. Katanya pemeluk agama minioritas (Kristen, Katolik, Budha, Hindu) itu terlalu diistimewakan/dimanjakan di Indonesia yang mayoritas agamanya Islam. Padahal pemeluk agama Islam di negara yang mayoritas agama Kristen itu ngga seperti itu dan cenderung 'struggling'. Wait, perbandingan ini tuh ngga 'apple-to-apple'. 

Kita lihat dulu dasar negaranya. Negara Indonesia adalah negara yang beragama dan mengakui 5 agama besar. Sedangkan, misalnya Taiwan itu landasan negaranya tidak bawa-bawa agama dan mayoritas penduduknya juga tidak memiliki agama. Jadi kalau membandingkan agama minioritas yang diakui di Indonesia dengan agama minioritas yang tidak diakui di Taiwan, yaa itu ngga setara.

Pemeluk ke-lima agama di Indonesia mempunyai hak yang sama. Mereka berhak untuk beribadah di tempat ibadah dengan tenang. Maka dari itu negara pun meliburkan hari-hari besar agama tersebut. Ini semua wajar. Ngga ada yang mengistimewakan dan memanjakan.

Sedangkan di Taiwan, by default negara tidak perlu membangun rumah ibadah dan meliburkan hari raya agama. Dan memang, tidak ada hari libur agama satu pun di Taiwan. Tapi, di Taiwan ini ada beberapa rumah ibadah, termasuk Mesjid. Ini baru bisa dibilang mengistimewakan dan memanjakan orang yang beragama/minioritas. Dan misalnya di beberapa waktu umat Muslim struggling mencari tempat untuk solat atau mencari makanan halal di Taiwan, hal ini wajar.. kan lagi di negara yang tidak beragama, yaa pasti sulit. 

Kesimpulannya:

1. Jangan membandingkan negara yang mengakui agama minioritas dengan negara yang ngga mengakui agama minioritas. Kalau mau membandingkan, bandingkan kedua negara yang sama-sama mengakui agama minioritas, atau dua negara yang sama-sama ngga mengakui agama minioritas. Seperti US dan Taiwan, yang sama-sama ngga mengakui agama Islam. Bandingkan bagaimana perlakuan dan fasilitas untuk umat Muslim.

2. Kalau suatu negara tidak mengakui agama minioritas, adalah sikap yang wajar ketika ada perbedaan perlakuan dengan pemeluk agama mayoritas. Tapi, ketika negara tersebut mengakui agama minioritas juga, sudah seharusnya tidak ada perbedaan perlakuan.

Kesuksesan Tim

Dari sekian banyak organisasi dan kepanitiaan yang kamu ikuti, dari mana kamu tau atau merasa bahwa organisasi/kepanitiaan tersebut sukses? Bukan acaranya loh, tapi timnya. Yang dibahas disini organisasi/kepanitiaan non-profit. Jadi jelas, kita ngga bisa bicara tentang berhasilnya tim tersebut mendapatkan keuntungan sekian atau project bernilai sekian rupiah/dollar. Jadi kita harus punya cara evaluasi yang lain, dan setiap orang pasti punya versinya masing-masing. Menurutku ada 2 cara. Yang pertama, seberapa dekat orang-orang didalamnya setelah kepengurusan/acara tersebut dan yang kedua, seberapa besar/lama euphoria setelah kepengurusan/acara tersebut.

One thing for sure, there is no such thing as 'perfect' - let alone a 'perfect team'. Pastinya banyak tantangan-tantangan yang dihadapi dan setiap kepemimpinan punya style yang berbeda-beda. That is to say, each team is unique and non-comparable. Jadi walaupun disini aku membahas cara mengukur kesuksesan tim, hasil akhirnya itu bukan seberapa sukses, tapi hanya dua jawaban: sukses atau biasa aja. Menurutku, semua tim itu pasti berhasil melaksanakan kewajiban dan amanahnya, jadi at least mereka mencapai pada level standard, yaitu 'biasa aja'.

I'd like to believe that the success of a team relies on their teamwork. Kerja tim membutuhkan banyak komunikasi, pengertian, dan kesabaran. Komunikasi mungkin bisa hampir tiap hari/minggu, melaporkan, mendelegasikan, koordinasi, memastikan, dsb. Dengan intensitas yang sesering ini, pertemanan akan terjalin dengan sendirinya. Tiap orang di tim punya beban kerja nya masing-masing, not to mention, kesibukan lainnya, yang kadang tidak bisa dibayangkan. Disini tiap orang diharuskan untuk saling mengerti dan percaya bahwa mereka akan mengerjakan bagian kerjanya. Walaupun awalnya dipaksa untuk percaya, tapi perlahan kepercayaan itu nyata dan tumbuh dengan sendirinya dan semakin lama semakin kuat. Tiap orang di tim juga perlu bersabar dengan mengesampingkan ego pribadi dan memperjuangkan kepentingan bersama. Mereka belajar untuk menekan emosi dan berfikir hal-hal yang lebih penting. 

Dengan komunikasi yang intensif, kepercayaan yang perlahan tumbuh dan terbiasanya mengendalikan emosi, akan sulit untuk menghindari ikatan pertemanan yang dekat. Tapi kalau beberapa orang didalamnya ngga bisa berkomunikasi secara efektif, saling mengerti atau mengendalikan emosi, mereka ngga akan bisa kerja secara nyaman. Mungkin iya, mereka berhasil melaksanakan kewajibannya, seperti yang aku bilang diawal, tapi tidak akan adanya pertemanan dekat. 

Jadi, kalau setelah kepengurusan/acara mereka tetap atau semakin dekat, berarti bisa dipastikan mereka bisa dengan sukses kerja dalam tim, yang berarti organisasi/kepanitiaan tersebut sukses. Tapi apabila setelah kepengurusan/acara mereka malah ngga saling sapa atau jadi dingin, berarti mereka ngga bisa kerja bersama dalam tim, yang berarti organisasi/kepanitiaan tersebut mencapai standard 'biasa aja'.

Selain itu, bisa dilihat juga dari euphoria setelah kepengurusan/acara. Seberapa lama/besar euphoria yang mereka rasakan. Semakin lama/besar euphoria tersebut, semakin besar rasa saling memiliki dan pastinya semakin besar rasa kepercayaan yang ada diantara mereka. Seperti yang aku sebutkan diatas, kepercayaan menjadi salah satu dasar dari suksesnya kerja tim. Jadi kalau ada organisasi/kepanitiaan yang merasakan kebahagiaan euphoria yang cukup lama - ini relatif, tapi menurutku lebih dari 2 hari termasuk yang lama - berarti kerja timnya dan organisasi/kepanitiaan tersebut sukses. Kalau euphoria-nya lebih sebentar dari itu, berarti kerja timnya dan organisasi/kepanitiaan tersebut biasa aja.

Sekian.

Just my two cents.

Home

Most people would say "home is where the heart is".
But for Third Culture Kid (TCK), "home is everywhere and nowhere" - Ruth Van Reken, 2004

Some of you may have heard about TCK, but if you haven't I'll explain it briefly and you can read more about it from wikipedia (click here) or other sources.

Based on Wikipedia, 

"Third culture kid (TCK) is a term used to refer to children who were raised in a culture outside of their parents’ culture for a significant part of their development years. The experience of being a TCK is unique in that these individuals are moving between cultures before they have had the opportunity to fully develop their personal and cultural identity."

And yes, I'm one of TCK. I may not be as extreme as others who spent their childhood in more than three countries and their parents have different nationalities, but I experience the same feeling as most TCK do. And home is one of TCK's challenges.

"Home is everywhere and nowhere"

That is so TRUE!

Each places that I've lived in has special places in my life and heart. I feel that I belong to those places - all at once - because there were some bonds that we shared. Those places were my witness of all my best and worst times. No place can be replaced by the other.

At the same time, I feel rootless. Though I may have my nationality, but somehow I don't fit in perfectly there - nor anywhere that I've lived in. In fact, I could never perfectly fit in anywhere, as I didn't stay long enough to adopt all their attitudes, behaviors and languages.

So it's kinda in between.

I feel home wherever I go to Indonesia, Australia, Hong Kong and Taiwan.

I can't never decide which one is my first, second, third and fourth home.

These four will always be my home.

-Source: Google (the first two), my own (the last two) 

Dear Men..

Dear Men,
If you're not gonna stay, please don't make us happy..
If you're not gonna catch us, please don't make us fall..

Dear Men,
Please understand that women are sensitive..
Every little things you say, we'll remember..
and every little things you do, we'll expect it to happen again..

Dear Men,
Please don't leave us out of the blue..
Cut the drama and be transparent..
Tell us if you're interested or staying, so we know what to expect..

Dear Men,
Please spare us the heartache..
If you're not interested nor staying, just say it and leave..
It's so much better for us to know the bitter truth than to expect based on pretenses..

Dear Men,
Our heart has been broken and healed so many times..
So please don't underestimate us by saying that we cannot handle the truth..


Sincerely,
Women

Upside Down House Exhibition

 

I know it's only turning the furniture upside down and glued in to the wall. Some may think it's not worth the wait (queue) and money. But for some, it is an opportunity to get a fun picture. For me, it's another way to refresh my mind and take a break from research :))

The house was filled up by so many people, so for some spot, we couldn't get a clear and great photos. But the good thing about this exhibition are: they controlled the amount of people inside the house (1), they prepared a place for people to queue, so we can take photos without other people in it (2), there is no time limit, so people can take as many picture and as long as they like (3), once we moved to another room, we cannot go back to the previous ones, so we will not bump into each other (4).

What is love?

Is it when you feel a connection with someone?

... when you feel a whole and complete just by being together..

... when context matter less than moment..

... and when every moment has it own space in your heart..

Is it when you can't stop thinking about that person?

... when only that person stays on your mind and heart, although there are millions of others..

... when having a lot of admirer means nothing to you if you can't get that person's attention..

... and when everyday, you wish that person nothing but happiness..

Is it when you stop searching?

... when any other woman/men doesn't appeal to you as much as it used to..

... when you can't think of anyone else that's better than him/her..

... and when you're not interested in going on a date with someone new..

Is it when you put 'us' or 'him/her' before 'me'?

... when quality means so much more than quantity..

... when you're patiently waiting for the time being with him/her..

... and when you're willing to sacrifice your own happiness for him/her..

Conan Exhibition

CONAN!

I was super excited to go to the exhibition. Although I need to queue for about one hour, but it was worth it!

After the entrance, there was a wall full of all Conan comic series. 

Then, there was a pop-up picture of all characters in Conan complete with its descriptions, as shown below..

Before entrance, each visitor get one puzzle book and pencil. Visitor are required to solve the murder (the puzzle) inside the exhibition. Since the puzzle and instructions are all in Chinese, I didn't took any pictures. I tried to solve it using Google translate from my phone and a little logic to put it all together. Then, if we can solve it, we get the certification as shown below (the white paper in the middle). The right one is the stamp book that we can buy together with the entrance ticket. There is one free sticker (right one) inside the stamp book.

After solving the puzzle, there are lots and lots of photos, drawings and paintings on Conan. Lastly, there is a figure of Sinichi Kudo and Ran.

          

Diplomats World

I just want to share this post, by Jakarta Post (click here).

The post is all about the feeling being a diplomat spouse and children. The author nails it, as she was a diplomat's spouse herself.

I don't feel the need to add some more. Let her post tell you everything. Enjoy!

Click here for my post on being a diplomat's daughter.

A helicopter crash on Friday, May 8 in a mountainous area of Pakistan tragically killed six passengers, including two ambassadors and two ambassadors’ wives. One of them was Mme. Heri Listyawati Burhan, the spouse of Indonesian Ambassador to Pakistan Burhan Muhammad.

Some may say that this terrible accident could have happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Nevertheless, the members of diplomatic missions assigned to so-called hardship posts are more likely to deal with such risks.

Only a few weeks ago our embassy in Yemen was badly damaged by an air strike injuring two diplomats, other Indonesian citizens and Yemenis.

In fact, such a threat can happen even in countries that seem far from being tagged “hardship”. In a period of less than 10 years (2004 and 2012), there were two bomb explosions at Indonesian Embassy in Paris.

The second one took place while we were living there due to my husband’s posting.

Fortunately nobody was seriously injured, but the material losses were quite large and it was certainly a traumatic experience.

An insightful article titled Appreciating Our Diplomats was written by Mr. Wirya Adiwena (The Jakarta Post, May 2, 2015) expressing his concerns on the reality and sad side of diplomats’ work.

As mentioned in the article, too often this seemingly prestigious profession is ironically regarded as implying merely “the image of glamour and champagne”.

In my own experience, people do frequently utter their presumption of how nice and comfortable it must be to live abroad, as if comparing it to a long holiday. This stereotype is definitely misleading and far from reality.

Working as a diplomat, which means representing your country, is surely not a light responsibility to bear. Apart from the danger in hardship posts, there exist other obstacles that may not be lethal yet are quite significant.

I would like to share these common challenges facing diplomats’ families, based on personal observation and experience when accompanying my husband in his two previous postings.

Normally when posted to a foreign mission, a diplomat is accompanied by his or her family. The roles of family members are neither insignificant nor limited to supporting capacities.

Actually, on various occasions diplomats’ family members should act as “diplomats” themselves. Diplomats’ spouses are required to readily assist in the activities of the mission, from culinary and cultural diplomacy to national day celebrations.

On the other hand, they are not allowed to work professionally during the posting period. Some families must decide whether to live separately or to sacrifice the career of the spouse.

Diplomats’ children are also an important part of the equation. Facing different environments and constantly adapting both in the foreign and home country makes them the most risk-prone. New homes, schools, friends and languages are normal things. Once they are about to settle in a place, it is already time to move and start from scratch again.

Constantly changing early life stages shapes them to be “third culture kids” (TCK) — children with the unique experience of moving between cultures before fully developing their personal and cultural identity.

These so-called global nomads or cultural chameleons are exposed to typical experiences, both good and bad. The primary benefits are perhaps their multilingual skills and the ability to adapt well to new environments, an expanded world view resulting broader perspectives, as well as higher sensitivity and empathy.

The main challenges include the ongoing switch of schools, hence friends. While this constant change can be beneficial, it is at the same time a potential threat, for each child has a different level of ability to adjust. Some can survive, some others sadly cannot.

Furthermore, being in foreign countries puts them among different sets of cultural values that sometimes can be conflicting. They are obliged to hold on to their home culture while at the same time adjusting to local customs.

At the family level, the unceasing moving process itself is never a piece of cake. Packing, unpacking, leaving and finding home, changing schools, learning new languages, meeting new neighbors, driving on the other side of the road, adjusting to new cultures and so on.

However, difficulties are well paid off once things finally start to fall into place. While spending a few years in a foreign land, the beauty of learning new things, visiting wonderful places, making lots of friends and gaining invaluable experiences makes it all worthwhile.

After all, there are always two sides of the coin — ups and downs, peaks and valleys. At the end of the day, life is about making choices and living with the consequences. Like they say, “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

To all Indonesian diplomats and their families, hold your heads up high.

A speedy recovery to Ambassador Burhan Muhammad and deep condolences to the whole family. To Mme. Listyawati, may your soul rest forever in peace.
________________________

The writer is spouse of Charles F. Hutapea, previously assigned to the Indonesian Embassy in Paris (2009-2013) and the Indonesian Consulate General in Osaka (2002-2006). Her memoir Voila La France was published in April 2015 as well as Paris – C’est Ma Vie in December 2012

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A helicopter crash on Friday, May 8 in a mountainous area of Pakistan tragically killed six passengers, including two ambassadors and two ambassadors’ wives. One of them was Mme. Heri Listyawati Burhan, the spouse of Indonesian Ambassador to Pakistan Burhan Muhammad.

Some may say that this terrible accident could have happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Nevertheless, the members of diplomatic missions assigned to so-called hardship posts are more likely to deal with such risks.

Only a few weeks ago our embassy in Yemen was badly damaged by an air strike injuring two diplomats, other Indonesian citizens and Yemenis.

In fact, such a threat can happen even in countries that seem far from being tagged “hardship”. In a period of less than 10 years (2004 and 2012), there were two bomb explosions at Indonesian Embassy in Paris.

The second one took place while we were living there due to my husband’s posting.

Fortunately nobody was seriously injured, but the material losses were quite large and it was certainly a traumatic experience.

An insightful article titled Appreciating Our Diplomats was written by Mr. Wirya Adiwena (The Jakarta Post, May 2, 2015) expressing his concerns on the reality and sad side of diplomats’ work.

As mentioned in the article, too often this seemingly prestigious profession is ironically regarded as implying merely “the image of glamour and champagne”.

In my own experience, people do frequently utter their presumption of how nice and comfortable it must be to live abroad, as if comparing it to a long holiday. This stereotype is definitely misleading and far from reality.

Working as a diplomat, which means representing your country, is surely not a light responsibility to bear. Apart from the danger in hardship posts, there exist other obstacles that may not be lethal yet are quite significant.

I would like to share these common challenges facing diplomats’ families, based on personal observation and experience when accompanying my husband in his two previous postings.

Normally when posted to a foreign mission, a diplomat is accompanied by his or her family. The roles of family members are neither insignificant nor limited to supporting capacities.

Actually, on various occasions diplomats’ family members should act as “diplomats” themselves. Diplomats’ spouses are required to readily assist in the activities of the mission, from culinary and cultural diplomacy to national day celebrations.

On the other hand, they are not allowed to work professionally during the posting period. Some families must decide whether to live separately or to sacrifice the career of the spouse.

Diplomats’ children are also an important part of the equation. Facing different environments and constantly adapting both in the foreign and home country makes them the most risk-prone. New homes, schools, friends and languages are normal things. Once they are about to settle in a place, it is already time to move and start from scratch again.

Constantly changing early life stages shapes them to be “third culture kids” (TCK) — children with the unique experience of moving between cultures before fully developing their personal and cultural identity.

These so-called global nomads or cultural chameleons are exposed to typical experiences, both good and bad. The primary benefits are perhaps their multilingual skills and the ability to adapt well to new environments, an expanded world view resulting broader perspectives, as well as higher sensitivity and empathy.

The main challenges include the ongoing switch of schools, hence friends. While this constant change can be beneficial, it is at the same time a potential threat, for each child has a different level of ability to adjust. Some can survive, some others sadly cannot.

Furthermore, being in foreign countries puts them among different sets of cultural values that sometimes can be conflicting. They are obliged to hold on to their home culture while at the same time adjusting to local customs.

At the family level, the unceasing moving process itself is never a piece of cake. Packing, unpacking, leaving and finding home, changing schools, learning new languages, meeting new neighbors, driving on the other side of the road, adjusting to new cultures and so on.

However, difficulties are well paid off once things finally start to fall into place. While spending a few years in a foreign land, the beauty of learning new things, visiting wonderful places, making lots of friends and gaining invaluable experiences makes it all worthwhile.

After all, there are always two sides of the coin — ups and downs, peaks and valleys. At the end of the day, life is about making choices and living with the consequences. Like they say, “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

To all Indonesian diplomats and their families, hold your heads up high.

A speedy recovery to Ambassador Burhan Muhammad and deep condolences to the whole family. To Mme. Listyawati, may your soul rest forever in peace.
________________________

The writer is spouse of Charles F. Hutapea, previously assigned to the Indonesian Embassy in Paris (2009-2013) and the Indonesian Consulate General in Osaka (2002-2006). Her memoir Voila La France was published in April 2015 as well as Paris – C’est Ma Vie in December 2012

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Selected comments will be published in the Readers' Forum page of our print newspaper

0 Comments

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I'm halfway there

As a doctorate student, we need to pass qualifying exams. It differ across faculty and campus. Some require us to pass specific subject, written/oral exams and/or present our research, within two years or one year. It's all solely department/faculty regulation that we can't questioned or compare it with other department. After we pass the exams, we are no longer a doctorate student, but a doctorate candidate.

In my department, they require us to either pass two subject of written exams or get a paper accepted within two years. As suggested by my advisor, my target in the beginning was, try to get my paper published, she said it's a lot easier. But it takes a lot of time to finish it and to get through the peer-review process. 

It was right after I send out the first revise and 6 more months until my two years deadline is ended, that I started to think to take the exams. Since I feel like there will still be some revising, I'm not that confident that my paper will get accepted in the next 6 months, so I took the exams for precautions. The department offer the exams in each semester. If I could not pass the exams, I need to take it again in the next semester. But if my first two years end, I need to take leave until I pass the exams. Sounds complicated, huh?

Wait 'til you hear this. There are many rumors out there that the exams are super-very-hard to pass. One of Taiwanese senior that I knew, she pass all two subjects for 5 years! and one of Indonesian senior didn't pas the exams once, but he got the paper published. I feel so anxious yet curious of this horrifying exams. The exams were in essay and the material were: 16 papers and 16-chapters-book! The questions were something detail about the paper, such as the inference of their research or the detail of their questionnaire design. And each paper may have 2-7 different studies with different questionnaire design and inference! No wonder it's so hard to pass, then I thought.

Since I only got this one chance and only one month to prepare, I studied and prayed hard. I tossed away any unimportant and unrelated things. I tried to study in every time I've got. I even brought those papers and book to Indonesia during my winter holiday.

The exams were divided into two days. One subject in one day and each subjects have two sections. There were about 3-4 questions in each section. The questions were a bit blur, but I remember, I wrote one full page of A4 for each questions. I remember there were questions about the detail of questionnaire design and inference. And I remember I felt like my brain were drained out at the end of the test of each day.

I waited for quite a long time for the results, without knowing when exactly they will tell us. They just tell me that they will send an email to announce the result. So every time I opened my mail, I feel that tingling in my stomach. I felt more anxious than before the exams. 

After that 6 weeks long, I finally got an email to pick up my result in department office. Oh, only God knows how nervous I was walking down the road, hoped on to the bus, up to the office and picked up my result. I was so curious with my result that I couldn't wait to open it, but too afraid that I needed a private place in case it wasn't a good news. 

After a long debate with myself, I finally opened it while waiting for a ride home. Alhamdulillah I PASS! Both of it! The threshold was 70 and I got 82 and 89! I didn't expect it to be this high. Even though I was hoping to pass, I predict that maybe I'll get about 71 or 72, something that is slightly above the threshold. It really amaze me that I can't believe it's real. I can't even told anyone other than my family, until I go to the department office and I hear it from my advisor.

The next day, my advisor and my labmates congratulated me. My advisor told me that the department praise the results of my exams. She said that it's very rare that a student can pass two subjects in one time. She even said that maybe this is the first international student that pass two subjects at once. Yeay! Alhamdulillah.

I feel like suddenly I'm free and have nothing to worried about. Hahaha. Of course this isn't the case. I still have halfway to go - even more, maybe? I still have one/two paper(s) to get published, one dissertation and one oral defense. Anyone care to join? Haha

During the waited period, I promised to do three day fasting if I pass the exams. And today I finished the fasting. Out of my expectation, I feel so.. - can't really describe it. It's something a mixture of relax, happy, good mood and worry-less. It feel so good. I think it's even better than when I found out that I pass the exam. 

Alhamdulillah.

So here I am,

Anisa Larasati, PhD Candidate :)

My first race!

About 19 months ago I wrote about jogging and how much I had improved ("practice makes perfect"). I keep on jogging ever since and it improves bit by bit until I have this thought of entering a marathon race.

Around at the same time, this friend of mine were asking us to join a marathon race of 10K in 2 hours limit. I hesitate that I can finish it in time, cause I never run that far. So she searched again and find a 5K marathon in 2 hours, with a cheaper fee. Well, I think I can do this, then I thought. I used to run about 3K in 30 minutes, so I definitely can finish this in time.

So me and three of my friends joined the marathon. It was my first time. So I was excited for the whole afternoon. The feeling of running with hundreds of people together is really intense. While running, I managed to saw and examined few families with either one or two children running together. I felt so happy just seeing them gather together running and caring about exercising and healthy.

I finished my race in 45 minutes with nonstop run/jog. A faster pace than my usual run. In the end, I learned that racing is not about comparing yourself to others nor how fast you can go. But it's about knowing yourself. Knowing your own pace and ability to finish it and beat your own personal goal, without being intimidated or tempted by others.

Who would have thought that this girl, who barely finished a 400m race in high school, now can run a 5K race, nonstop in 45 minutes?

I proved it that anything is possible, as long as you try. And yes, practice makes perfect.

Aturan di Indonesia

Belakangan ini aku baca beberapa notes dan kritikan tentang Indonesia, mostly about the new president. Well, aku disini ga mau ngebicarain tentang tiap-tiap orang di kepemerintahan, karena menurutku itu lebih subjektif, apalagi dengan keterbatasannya informasi. Aku lebih pengen nulis tentang Indonesia itu sendiri. Negara yang kita tempati selama bertahun-tahun. This thought have always been on the back of my mind. Sometimes I share it verbally to some friends, but haven't get the chance to write it down. 

Consider this question: If you could name one aspect - just one - to change Indonesia, what would it be?

Kemungkinan besar jawabannya bervariasi. But for me, jawabannya adalah hukum/peraturan. Here's why:

1. Masalah Transportasi Umum

This is the most inconvenient thing about Indonesia, specifically Jakarta. Dan ini yang menyebabkan macetnya Jakarta yang semakin lama semakin parah. Terlalu banyak orang yang beralih ke kendaraan pribadi, karena transportasi yang ngga nyaman. Transportasi umum di Jakarta itu ngga banyak, ngga tentu datengnya kapan (kadang setengah jam sekali, kadang sejam sekali, kadang ngga datang) dan yang pasti ngga nyaman karena terlalu banyak penumpang. 

Klo ditarik ke akar permasalahannya, pertama, para supir bis/angkot itu tidak dapat gaji/bonus berdasarkan ketepatan waktu, melainkan berdasarkan banyaknya penumpang. Jadi apa yang terjadi? Banyak bis/angkot yang rela ngetem bermenit-menit dan tetiba memperpanjang rute tanpa peduli waktu dan rela nge-'jejelin' penumpang ngga peduli sesaknya ruangan. Mereka ngga akan peduli kalau kita protes, 'cause that's how they can get more money. Coba kalau peraturannya diubah. Tiap bis/angkot sudah ditetapkan waktu perjalanannya di tiap-tiap halte, dan mereka akan mendapatkan bonus bila datang tepat waktu atau dalam kurun waktu tertentu. Kalau begini, waktu kedatangan bis/angkot akan lebih jelas, penumpang pun dapat mengandalkan transportasi umum. Aku dengar angkot dekat rumah sudah ada aturan seperti ini, jadi sekitar 5-10 menit, angkot itu pasti datang. Dan sesama angkot yang sama akan berlomba-lomba untuk tepat waktu.

Kedua, jelas sekali transportasi umum kita kurang banyak, yaa tapi balik lagi, mungkin karena indikatornya adalah 'bis/angkot penuh'. Kalau ini indikatornya, pemerintah akan 'mencukupkan' transportasi umum, agar tiap bis/angkot yang ada itu penuh. Iya, penuh sesak. Bener-bener ngga bisa gerak di dalam busway yang notabene-nya adalah transportasi terbaru kita. Oh, how ironic.

Kalau indikatornya adalah waktu, akan dengan sendirinya menciptakan armada yang lebih banyak.

2. Masalah sikap warga Indonesia

Sikap disini termasuk buang sampah pada tempatnya, antri, urusan administrasi sampai masalah korupsi. Tidak ada sistem 'punishment/reward' di beberapa tempat. Tidak ada hukuman bagi yang membuang sampah sembarangan, pun tidak ada penghargaan bagi yang membuang sampah pada tempatnya. Iya, mungkin susah untuk memberikan penghargaan ke tiap individu yang membuang sampah pada tempatnya, tapi sangat memungkinkan untuk memberikan hukuman bagi yang membuang sampah sembarangan. Buat saja tulisan kalau membuang sampah sembarangan akan dikenakan denda sekian dan pasang kamera ditempat-tempat yang sering menjadi tempat pembuangan sampah ilegal. Mungkin ngga bisa semua tempat, but it's a start. When it goes viral, orang dengan sendirinya belajar untuk membuang sampah pada tempatnya, walopun tidak ada kamera disekitarnya.

Kedua, urusan antri. Naik bis/angkot ngga ada yang namanya antri, sekalipun itu busway. Sebenernya, kita bisa kok kalau disuruh antri, asalkan dikasih tempat untuk antri. Coba liat antrian untuk taxi di mal-mal atau bandara, dan coba liat antrian kasir di mal, banyak orang dengan sabarnya antri. Jadi apa yang kurang? Hanya tempatnya, sodara-sodara. Coba dibikin halte yang jelas dan tulisan dimana untuk antri, pakai papan arah antrian kalau perlu dan diawal-awal aturan baru ini dibikin, ada satu orang untuk menjelaskan aturan baru ini. Lama-lama kita terbiasa antri, dan ngga perlu tulisan atau papan arah lagi. 

Same goes to antrian di dalam kamar mandi. Di Indonesia, terbiasa antri di depan masing-masing pintu kamar mandi, padahal di negara lain, mereka antri di ambang pintu pertama. Jadi siapapun yang datang pertama akan masuk ke pintu kamar mandi manapun yang kosong duluan. Well, they can just put a sign where to queue, it shouldn't be hard to do - unless they don't care.

Buat papan untuk antri itu ngga susah, dan harusnya ngga mahal, kalau dibandingkan bikin monorel yang gagal itu. Tapi kenapa ngga? Kemungkinan para pengusaha mall/bis ngga tau atau mereka tau tapi ngga peduli. Kenapa ngga peduli? Again, no rewards. Ngga ada yang memberikan mereka penghargaan. Orang yang posisinya diatas mereka pun ngga peduli dengan itu, yang penting bisnisnya sukses dan banyak pengunjung/penumpang. And this goes all the way up. Harus dimulai dari yang ada diatas hierarchy, untuk mulai menerapkan sistem 'punishment/reward'.

Ketiga, administrasi. "Kalau bisa lama, untuk apa dipermudah/dipercepat?" Tagline untuk urusan administrasi di kebanyakan tempat di Indonesia. Karena cepatnya dokumen/urusan yang diselesaikan tidak menghasilkan tambahan apapun untuk para pegawai. Andaikan mereka diberi bonus untuk menyelesaikan sekian dokumen/urusan dalam waktu sekian, pasti urusan administrasi akan lebih cepat.

Keempat, masalah korupsi. Korupsi dimulai dari yang kecil hingga besar. Dan seingat saya, beberapa waktu yang lalu ada seseorang yang bebas hukuman dari korupsi besar, entah apa alasannya, dan entah gimana ceritanya. Itu menggambarkan sistem punishment/reward ngga berjalan. Ini membuat orang berpersepsi "ngga masalah lah saya ngambil beberapa ratus ribu dana kantor, orang yang korupsi milyaran/trilyunan itu bebas kok" atau "sesekali lah pakai dana kantor untuk urusan pribadi, yang penting tugas kantor selesai, daripada itu proyek negara uangnya habis tapi ngga selesai". Kalau begini, tidak ada yang berani menyalahkan mereka, salahkan pada aturan 'punishment/reward' yang ngga jalan di negara ini.

Ini hanya beberapa contoh masalah besar yang terpikir. And the common problem is there is no punishment/reward system. A simple punishment or reward can have a great contribution on making a better Indonesia. Harus ada orang yang mempunyai kekuasaan dan peduli dengan Indonesia untuk mengubah keadaan ini.

Just a little thought of mine that I'd like to share. Silahkan bagi yang berbeda pendapat. Kalau mau, leave a comment below, it's nice to have a friendly, open-minded discussion. Itu artinya banyak yang peduli dengan Indonesia.

Maafkan tulisan yang bilingual ini. It doesn't make me love Indonesia any less. I just feel like, for some words, I express it better in English.

:)

Beauty with[out] make up :)

This is a video with a beautiful message by Colbie Caillat, titled Try.

When the first time this video was launch, many people commented on it, including pros and cons. I was going to write about it, but I couldn't find a time to write. So here I am now, commenting about the video, about make up, mostly.

This video is saying that don't put on a mask so that everybody likes you. Don't put your make up on if you don't want to. Don't excersice just to get a compliment from others. Make up and excercise is not wrong, the purpose is.

And yes, every woman should know that they are beautiful. So I don't think put some make up every day, every moment is neccessary. 

For me, make up is only for work - when it's required to. If you work behind the desk and you don't want to wear make up, you can just look natural but make sure you have enough sleep so you'll look fresh. I'm sure they don't mind. Because the point of using make up is just to look neat and professional. If you look fresh and behave, I'm sure you'll look professional and neat already. *Hey, man don't wear make up to work, why should we (woman)?

If you want to wear make up, before wearing it, make sure you like yourself first. So wearing make up is not for you to hide your fear, but to boost up your confidence. It maybe sounds the same thing, but the focus are different. If you wear make up when you feel you can't blend in and not comfortable with yourself, then don't. Wear it when you are happy and comfortable, so make up can only make you happier.

When you like yourself, then you don't want to wear make up. You'll think that 'I like the way I look now, why should I put some make up?'. Only, some other time - perhaps special occasion - when you feel like you want to look differently - in a good way. I'll say that make up goes in line with your wardrobe. If you look everyday casual, then no need make up. But if there's special occasion, you'll wear something special obviously, so you may wear some make up.

But if you wear make up every time - outside work, ask yourself why you wear make up. Because for me, wearing make up is a sign of insecurities if you use it almost every time.

This post is for those girls that wears make up everyday. A childhood friend of mine is one of them. I feel like I want to tell her that "you don't need those make up to look pretty, you ARE beautiful and I even like they way you look naturally".

Kehilangan..

I found this on Facebook. This is exactly what I was thinking when I was in a process of wearing hijab: http://anisalarasati.blogspot.tw/2013/09/my-new-look.html

 

Quick reminder

Pernikahan itu sesuatu yang agung.

Pernikahan itu untuk jangka panjang.

Bila sudah menikah, jagalah baik-baik janji suci dan komitmen anda. 

Begitu juga dengan perbuatan dan pandangan anda. 

Suatu hal yang lucu dulu, bisa jadi suatu hal yang tidak pantas utk dilakukan ketika anda sudah menikah. 

Persoalan rumah tangga apapun yang ada, selesaikanlah, jangan mencari pelarian diluar. 

Think twice or even triple before you act.

Pardon me, yang tidak tau banyak tentang pernikahan. This is just a quick message for everyone - married and married to be -. I know it's basics and cliche, but I found that we all need to be reminded once in a while.

Let it go ~

I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go ~

Let it go ~

[Let it go - Frozen]

Yes, as the song told us: let it go, people!

We all have our own past, which can be pretty bad and it might be because of someone else's fault. It's our right to be mad and blame ourselves or them who hurt us. But it won't take us anywhere. The pain, anger and maybe shame or regret will always haunt us if we still look back at the past. The past is happened for us to take the lesson. So when we know all about the past that happened to us (why, how and who's fault), we have to accept, forgive, learn and move on.

If you still can't forgive the person that hurt you, then everytime you have a problem, you will always blame them. In that case, you will not be able to find a good solution for your current problem and you will be surrounded by all the negative feelings that will drag you down. And nothing good can come out from negative feelings.

Blaming the past that will not talk back to you, nor giving any solution, is just pathetic. It's like blaming a dead person. Yes, in case you haven't notice, the past is dead.

I know letting go is not easy, but just take a baby step forward at each time. It needs process, but the important thing is you move on, no matter how far it is.

Good Luck! :)

Pacaran?

Islam tidak mengenal yang namanya pacaran dan sekarang sudah banyak pihak yang menyerukan untuk tidak berpacaran dengan berbagai alasan - termasuk alasan agama (dosa). Nevertheless, aku ngeliat banyak temen-temen yang Islam, yang taat solatnya dan mengerti banyak tentang Islam, tetap pacaran. So I come up with the conclusion that: pacaran itu tidak berkaitan langsung dengan pengetahuan seseorang dengan Islam. Jadi, sebenarnya ngelarang untuk berpacaran karena dosa itu kurang 'ngena'.

So here I am, trying to give my point of view.

FYI, aku pernah pacaran dan hubungan 'KJDA' (kita jalanin dulu aja) hahaha. Tapi mungkin aku sekarang ada di tahap jenuh pacaran dan cape disakitin terus. Dan aku jadi ngerasa, seruan Islam untuk tidak pacaran itu memang yang terbaik. Foolish me, yang ngga langsung percaya dan harus merasakan 'up and down'-nya pacaran.

Berikut ini alasan kenapa aku berubah pikiran:

1. I'm a whole-hearted type of person.

Aku ngga pernah setuju untuk in a relationship kalau aku ngga suka. Aku ngga pernah nerima hanya karena status, uang atau hal yang lainnya. Jadi, setiap kali pacaran aku selalu memberikan yang terbaik. I always give the best of me. Ini ngga salah kalau dengan orang yang tepat. But if it's a wrong man or a right man in a wrong time.. I can be easily hurt. And yes, I was hurt many times. For most of the time, I try to stay, untill I can barely hold on. Just because, aku ngga mau menyesal di kemudian hari. Jadi bisa disimpulkan bahwa di setiap pacaran, I was broken down untill my last breath.. and now, I don't want this to happen all over again.

2. I over-think and over-assume.

I'm a girl, obviously. Jadi semua perempuan pasti ngerti apa rasanya sms ngga dibales atau dia tiba-tiba ngilang tanpa kabar. Walaupun aku ngga pernah nuntut untuk dikabarin atau untuk sms setiap hari, tapi aku tetep selalu kepikiran pas sms aku lama ngga dibales, atau ketika seminggu intens komunikasi, tiba-tiba dia hilang gitu aja. All of these takes my time and effort. Capek juga sebenernya worrying and assuming too much, but we (girls), just can't help it. Kayaknya udah dari sana nya cewe pasti worring, assuming and thinking too much. Dan kalau udah begitu, aku ngga bisa konsentrasi belajar atau ngerjain apapun.

At this point, mungkin kamu bisa bilang: "pacaran itu ngga selamanya nyakitin kok, aku selama ini seneng-seneng aja pacaran".

Yap, ada kalanya kok aku juga ngerasain seneng and this leads to my third reasons.

3. Tetep ngga bisa konsentrasi, walaupun lagi seneng.

Seneng-seneng pas di awal pacaran itu ngebuat aku pengen terus berkomunikasi. Yaa pengen ketemu, sms, chat, or anything. Tetep aku ngga bisa full konsentrasi ke sekolah/kuliah. 

Jadi bisa dihitung dengan jari berapa hari aku ngerasa produktif, yaitu hari-hari normal diluar 3 kondisi diatas.

*Sedikit kronologi kejadian*

Awal-awal ngerasa seneng banget (kondisi ke-3), lalu pelan-pelan dia mulai melakukan aktifitas normalnya dan ngga intensif lagi komunikasi (kondisi ke-2). Setelah ini mungkin aku 'mengerti' dan mulai produktif melakukan kegiatanku. Tapi pengalamanku, mereka semakin lama semakin cuek/jauh, jadi aku mulai ngga fokus lagi by trying to hold on (kondisi pertama) and not long after that.. it's over.

Ngga ada yang salah dengan ke-3 sifat atau kondisiku itu, it was just in a wrong time and/or with a wrong man. I feel like I'm wasting my time and energy. Dan aku sadar bahwa jodoh itu sudah diatur oleh Allah. Jadi buat apa aku ngerasain roller-coaster dengan in and out of relationship, kalau Allah sudah menyiapkan semuanya untukku?

Dan apa sih keuntungannya pacaran?

 1. Keliatan keren/laku?
Ngga juga.. banyak orang yang keren/sukses sekolah/kuliah/kerja tanpa pacaran.

2. Diperhatiin?
Masih ada keluarga dan teman yang bisa ngasih perhatian yang lebih tulus dari pacar.

3. Temen curhat/temen jalan?
Well, ngga perlu pacaran untuk bisa jadi temen curhat atau temen jalan.

Hmm, what else?

Honestly, dulu aku pacaran karena temen-temen yg lain pada pacaran, jadi aku pengen ikut2an dan penasaran ngerasain gimana pacaran itu. Dan aku dulu ngerasa kalau aku bisa menghindar dari anything that leads to 'zina'. As I know better, I realize 'zina' can happen in a blink. Despite that, I also don't want to risk all my heart, time and energy only for my curiousity, the fame and peer-pressure.

Aku setuju bahwa kita perlu mengenal calon pendamping kita. Tapi masih banyak cara yang lain, ngga hanya pacaran, HTS, KJDA atau jenis-jenis hubungan lainnya. 

I'll go for: friend. Tetaplah berteman dengan orang yang berpotensi atau berkeinginan jadi pendamping kita. Ngga ada status and no heartbreaks, tapi kita tetep bisa diskusi dengan orang tersebut dan melihat kualitas dirinya.

It's been 2.5 years I've not been in any relationship. I value myself higher that I don't want to be a victim anymore. No heartbreaks and tears within these years and YES, I feel so much better.

Thank you for all those mens and relationships that makes me who I am right now. Mungkin ini jalanku untuk mengerti mana yang benar dan mana yang salah.

Semoga aku tetep berpegang teguh prinsipku ini :)

Trust and Promise

Trust.

Don't you ever take someone's trust for granted. Once you lose it, you'll never get it back - even so, it will never be the same. Kepercayaan itu sesuatu yang istimewa, karena ngga semua orang aku kasih kepercayaan. So please keep it. Aku pasti memaklumi dan tetep positive thinking untuk kejadian yang pertama, kedua, maupun ketiga.. and I take all your excuses. Tapi tidak untuk yang kesekian kalinya. 

Another thing is, I am usually hurt when someone betrays my trust. Because I never see it coming.. never thought that they would do anything to hurt me, NEVER. Well yes, maybe I'm not careful enough in selecting whom I shoud trust.. Oops, my bad..

Promise.

Don't promise on something you can't keep. Hati-hati, lidah itu senjata yang paling tajam. Aku paling ngga suka kalau ada yang ngga menepati janji. At least, say something: re-schedule or re-organizing.. just don't leave me out of the blue! Again, aku pasti memaklumi untuk beberapa kali kejadian. Tapi tidak untuk yang kesekian kalinya.

Dia aku percaya, tapi ngga menepati janji dan hilang gitu aja? that is the worst person ever.

Dan biasanya, setelah sekian lama nunggu, positive thinking, dan masih percaya, tapi orang itu belum juga menepati janjinya.. I'm giving up, very dissapointed.. and of course, they'll lose my trust..

Cukup tau, learn my lesson and move on..

Berkah Ramadhan :)

Selama ini aku hanya terfokus pada diriku saja. Aku, aku dan aku..

Aku selalu mikir betapa lambatnya aku mengerjakan riset, susahnya aku memikirkan metode-metode yang lain dan stressnya aku memikirkan cara untuk mengembangkan topik risetku ini. Dan ngga jarang aku merasa bahwa kapasitas otakku itu udah mentok dan sepertinya yang lain jauh lebih pinter dibandingkanku.

Yang paling bikin nge-down itu ngeliat 2 anak lab, master degree: yang satu dia ngambil salah satu topikku dan digabungkan dgn topik yang lain dan dia bisa punya 4 studies, nilai thesisnya paling bagus, masuk thesis competition dan pastinya Prof bangga sekali dengannya. Yang satunya lagi ngikutin salah satu metode-ku, dan lagi-lagi dia bisa punya 4 studies, nilainya bagus, anak kesayangan Prof, masuk thesis competition juga.

Dan aku? dari dulu 3 studies aja ngga selesai-selesai.. Walaupun emang beda tujuan dan jalan cerita kita, tapi ini terlihat amat sangat kontras.. Sedangkan waktu untuk submit paper udah di ambang pintu..  yup, the pressure is so-very huge..

Ketika underpressure, berkali-kali terlintas untuk mundur, take a break, or daydreaming hoping it's over soon. Setelah itu teringat alasanku untuk S3 dan perlahan-lahan bangkit. Orang tua-lah yang terus menyemangatiku untuk terus maju tanpa stress dan mengingatkanku untuk perbanyak Dzikir. Mungkin karena ngeliat aku begitu stressnya, mereka bilang "yaudah nis, ini iseng-iseng berhadiah, jangan dibawa stress yaa". And yeah, somehow it works :)

Beberapa minggu setelahnya, Ramadhan datang. Mulai shalat tharawih + witir dan lebih banyak baca Al-Quran + Dzikir.

Sesaat setelah itu ada beberapa yang aku rasakan dan dapatkan.. Mungkin ini berkah Ramadhan.. Alhamdulillah:

1. Hatiku lebih tenang dan bisa mengerjakan riset tanpa stress. Somehow I found the way to cope with it.

2. Nilai progress report selama ini ternyata dikasih nilai A sama Prof.. Selama 3 semester kemarin dapet A-, dan padahal sekarang ngga berharap banyak, mikirnya paling dapet nilai yang sama juga.. Tapi lalu aku mikir, mungkin A ini bisa jadi salah satu pemacu untuk menyelesaikan paperku yang artinya mungkin "you're good enough, you've been through long enough, finish it, don't give up"

3. Kuesioner boleh disebar, yang artinya setelah kuesioner ini tinggal merevisi penulisan dan it's ready! Aamiin..

4. This is the most shocking thing that happened.

Beberapa temanku mulai bilang kalau mereka ingin sekali nerusin kuliah sampai S3, tapi kondisi yang tidak memungkinkan: perlu cari uang, perlu menghidupkan keluarga, sudah ada anak, perlu nerusin bisnis keluarga, tidak dapat beasiswa, dll..

Aku tersentak. Aku ngga sadar bahwa banyak sekali orang diluar sana yang menginginkan ini, tapi belum bisa. Aku yang ... belum perlu cari uang, masih ada orang tua yang bekerja, belum berkeluarga, belum ada anak, tidak ada bisnis/kegiatan lain, dan dapat beasiswa full ... kenapa ngga bisa memanfaatkan kesempatan ini dengan sebaik-baiknya?
 

Ini membuat aku bersyukur tiada henti. Membuatku semangat mengerjakan risetku.
Aku mau memanfaatkan kesempatan langka ini - yang mungkin tidak akan datang kepadaku lagi.

There's no such thing as second chance, right?

So do it wholeheartedly and never take things for granted ;)

All and all, ternyata bukan aku, risetku atau Profku yang salah. Tapi ibadahku-lah yang kurang.